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January 30, 2014 | 12:00 a.m. CST
I’m guessing you didn’t wake up this morning to a tiger in the bathroom and a random hotel baby. You might blame it on the stressful workweek, your small-town background, your Irish roots or the flustered 15-year-old Hy-Vee clerk who didn’t stop you from buying that bottle of red wine at midnight while you were wearing yoga pants. Those typically are my excuses. But we’ve all been there. Even Olivia Pope.
One of my favorite writers Sarah Hepola described the morning-after feeling most accurately as someone taking a melon baller to your frontal lobe.
We hear over and over again, “The only cure to a hangover is time.” But has science considered the effect of pizza that soaks the paper plate, the one you had to use because who can bother with real dishes at such a strenuous time?
According to Rally Labs LLC, a company that makes hangover medicine, Missourians have some of the worst hangovers in the nation. When you wake up dry-mouthed, wondering why you ate street meat the night before, let Vox cure what ails you. We spoke with restaurant owners about the best hangover cures. Not just any kind of grub, but foods that remind you of where you’re from. Consider this story worth saving.
We’re talking detox juice for the slightly nauseated, health-conscious West Coasters. Those from New England smart enough to drink water before bed can go for the heavier sub sandwich experience. As an Iowan, I’ll speak for the Midwest (which isn’t on our guide) when I say grease is the word. Café Berlin’s Rebel, an eggs, biscuits and gravy dish, plus a side of French toast is a sure remedy, minus the guaranteed food coma.
Rest your weary, bloodshot eyes on this issue of Vox, my hungover Columbians. We’re here for you. And we’re assuming, of course, that you’re not feeling too sick to eat.